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VOLUME 54444 ISSUE 276383 cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKENSHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!!!(c)cOUSIN SHORTY HEElo HElloe AGAIn aLL me FREinds!!!!!!!!!! Iam hear with my Buddies JOrJ and Sti;ll at Large TOM and the Veru Humble Bruce NIGEl the funniest DooD on The WEB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHA AHAHA AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This Month yo FRIed cOUSIN SHORTY (Thas Me!) is HONORed to half REtirED JApanese STICKBOrker Tohira Otomo,>>>we Are All halfing some Delicious Sushi na d SASHimi whhicih is Tastes like Chickens favorite food of all Time wht the green mustard and soy SAUCE sauce like the do it in HAWAii/ butt WE won half anything left for Tastes except for a cPOUle of stray pieces of Ginger. AHA AHA AHA HAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cS: HI TossiRO CAN I caLL You TOhiRO/? TO: Hi cS: HI TossiRO CAN I caLL You TOhiRO/? TO: Hi cS: HI TossiRO CAN I caLL You TOhiRO/? TO: Hi! Hi! Hi! You speak Jafaneeth, you gian ugwy geen debil? cS: NAh nah I DOne Even speAK good ENglis! I SpEEk FLAmfOOZY You SPEak FLAMfooZY TOhiro? You Have an EXCEllent FLAmfooZY Accent Tosjhori! TO: No geen debil, I bunned mouf fun Beeh flane. Whad do you wan, gian fwying geen monsteh SHOWTYsan? [takes an octopus nigiri] cS: THATs WHAti Wanted to TLAdk to you ABout TosHiro! Yo Burnd your Mouth their, dooD. HOW DId this HAPPEN?? TO: Nonuwa! Nonuwa at the Tiki-Taki Wounge. I spid on him and aw hid ansetows. [takes an eel nigiri, curses in Japanese and prepares to spit] cS: WHOA hold ON THEre TOHOIro!!!!! AHA AHA AHAH AHAHA!!!!!!!! GOT some SOHHisticaTED ELEciritcal Equimenets hear on the SPACEfcraft, WE DOnt need any………OUTBursts, Know HEHAt I Mean jellyBean?? TO: Ah, geen debil. I will onow yow wequess. Sian fyin wedtiles all ancestows in Japan. We mi be weal cousins! [pulls out pack of Marlboro Light 100s] cS: WHoa TOHirO! [grabs ciggies away] AHA AHA AHAH AH AHAHAHAH!! NO smokkinG HEAr on the SpaceCraft!!!!!! HEy os WHAt HAppened BUddy? HOw did you GEtinto tHis horriBel conDIdtioning. How diD It Start? TO: Consfiwacy SHOWTYsan. Nonuwa deh baw nanageh has fens. Foweful fens. You know Nonuwa? [takes a tekka maki and curses in Japanese] cS: YOo MENE NOnurO LIke in NOnUra SEcuritES???????? TO: [grabs an oshinko maki and curses again in Japanese] It is wike one of yow Anewican noodies. Gowdon the Gekko. cS: HUM!! SO STart aT the bEGINining, and TEll or NESLetter riders WHAt you Can. TO: I was a young nan, vewy snat wis anawisis. I took exanination foh stockbokeh, I pass it wif a pefec scoe. I was hide by Nonuwa to do anawisis on Tech Secto. I did vewy wew. I wose high in cumny. cS: HOw so????? TO: I watch the Anewican anawiss. Vewy snawd, the Anewicans. I watch, an I lewn. When the stock goes up fas, vewy fas, an then slows down, issue a Stwong Buy. When the stock goes down vewy fas, vewy fas an then stops going down, issue a Sell. Vewy sintle. I was naking pewfec calls. I was a hewo. I had pwetty giws and beeh. I could sing "Cline Ewery Nountain" just wike Juwie Andwews or whoevew sang it. [begins to sing] cS: WATEA SECond BUD!!!!!!!!!! IM NOT TFolloiWING YOu. STRong BUy when THE STcok has ToppeD OUT/? STrong SEll WHen the STok HAs bottomED out? TO: [stops singing and takes a toro nigiri] Yes, fwying geen debil SHOWTYsan. Nonuwa has lawge holdings in dese stocks. Vewy vewy lawge. Ny job was to get then owd wih the naxinun pwofid. Den buy then back as cheapwy as possible. [laughs, then screams and holds his mouth] cS: TOhsiro, thaT CAN't BE RIte. That Snot Rite. EXPlain IT to me AGAin, I donT GET IT. [laughing loudly] TO: That was ny jod. The fiwm nust nake as nuch noneh as pothible, what with the senio executives pwaying the dewivative nawkets an the othew "expenses". [laughs, then whines and holds his mouth] cS: BUT TohSHiroSan DOOd. HOw did You Know the STcik was TOPPing out? TO: Secwet study, ugwy geen debil SHOWTYsan. At night, I wen on the Intewnet and studied the chass of the cumnies. Technical Anawisis. I could see the tobs an boddons fun the study of the chass! cS: Secret CHARTS of the COMpaiaes!!!! WHoa TOsirO!!!!!! [laughs] NOt gooD IF YO get CaughT!!!!! TO: No spid, ShewlockSan. [laughs and take 2 California rolls] I wed the Anewican books on Technical Anawisis at night with a fwashlide undew the covews. Then I made the pewfec calls. Nonuwa-San was happy, evewyone was happy. CS: WHAat about the Japanese CNAdndlesticks, dooD? TO: Yeah, wite. Get weal. [mixes up some fresh wasabi with soy sauce] cS: WHAt about the CLIENts, DooD? TJE ones thAT Lost the MOney? TO: Not ow cwients, geen debil. Other fen's cwients. Combedition! I spid on then! Jus kidding! That is how I nade the noney for the fen. But one day, it cane to an en. [belches a small blue flame and takes a sip of sake and some ginger] cS: WHAtTHAppened?? TO: I got caught with a chot. It wasn't my chot, it was fun a book by Tonny Dowsey. I said I was doing wesearch on the analwis to twy and discwedit hin with ny own reconnendation. But Nonuwa-San did not bewieve ne. Fron then on, I wad watched. I decided to get even. I opened ny own accoun at another fen, and start twading on Technical Anawisis. Evewy tine I issued a Stwong Buy, I showted that stock in ny pewsonal accoun. When I issued a Sell, I bought the stock in ny own accoun. cS: HOW DOd id GO?????? TO: I nade a VEWY lawge anount of noney. The nore I studied TA, the nore noney I nade. I led the othew people in the fen do the fundanental anawisis. I called the nutual funds and asked then wad they jus bod and sode. Then I bod and sode the sane things, onwy I took ny entwy and exit positions using TA. cS: ANd???? TO: I was caught. I was sfending too nuch noney at the Tiki-Taki Lounge. Nonuwa-San at wok snelled a wat, den his nefwew baw nanagew whatted me out. He had sonone check an they foun ny pewsonal sock accoun. They seized ny accoun. All I had lef was ny cash. [takes another California roll and curses loudly in Japanese] cS: SO you Got DRunk?? TO: [screams] Hi! Hi! [composes himself] I got dwung wid hydwogen beeh and I flane Nonuwa-San's nefwew, the baw nanagew of Tiki-Taki Lounge. [laughs and curses in Japanese] His uncle gif me stock hewcut, I gif hin weal hewcut wid eyebwow twim! A beaudiful fouw-food bwu flane. Elegant, yet jagged. It was a Zen flane, geen debil SHOWTYsan! A Fuji Nonent! [both laugh, then Tohiro holds his mouth and whimpers] cS: THAt must Half bean a Site to SEE TOHiro!!! Sew NOw WHAt, dood? TO: I an noving to the Unided Stades. I an stawting ny own cumny. Then I will take ny cumny public, and I will again have the giws and the beeh. Noney for nudding and shicks foh fee! Is Amewiga! Gian boobies! [laughs, then hold mouth] cS: BUT I Thouth oyyou WERE brokE! TO: Cwedid cod, gian fwying geen debil SHOWTYsan! I cannot faiw. I an detewnined. Anewiga is the wand of offowtunidty, even if it is full of smewwy Anewigans. I will succeed! cS: WJAtsthe NAme of YOUr NEW Cumny???? TO: Bwu Zen Flanes Dod Con! Wan do see one Bwu Zen Flane, geen debil SHOWTYsan? Join ne cOUSIN SHOWTY! You sing the bass pawts! [takes a big sip of sake and begins to sing "My Way"] cS: AA AHA HAHAH AHAHAH AHAHAH AHAHAH!!! half some More California Rolls there doodsan, I lkie that GREEN Mustatrd! and THIS is cOUSIN SHORTY Saying, Eat MORE SUSHI and SEe you at tTHE TOP!!!!!!! Tiw nes Tine, Yo FRIed, cOUSIN SHORTY [SHORTY and Tohira singing:] "ReGRESS, I've HAraaa FEW..." |
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