VOLUME 5653 ISSUE 44 cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED MAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!! © cOUSIN SHORTY
 
A SPAcial weclOCMING to YO my FRIEDs!!!!!!!!
 
AHA AHA HAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
Yo FRIEd cOUSIN SHORTY hear with our latesT INTERviewing and yo will rally Lick those one because it was HARD TO GET her up here intO the SPACECartft because she is a little PARANOid about my stuPdi couisn TASTES.
 
OF carss I am specking about the VERy famous INTERnut STICK NOT ADVISING PREDilciTOR and TEChicnal ANAlyst EXRAordinary-
 
VANESSA HENNA-FOLLY !!!!!!!!!1
 
cS: |WeLcomINgt anD DON Worruy Vanessa Henna, I half cordoned off this entire DEKs with WNARings so TASTEs will NEVER NO yo are hear! AND welcome to the SPACEcrartft I aM so SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
VHF: Thank you very much, cOUSIN SHORTY. We're here to clear the air and make certain we get the right story out to all the people on my planet who have not met us yet and don't understand what we do and why we do it.
 
cS: NO probLEMo, VanessA HEnna, yo seem like maybe a KINDa normaL pebble to moi, I don no HWAT my cousiN TASTEs is all FREAked out about.
 
VHF: I am nornal, SHORTY. We are totally nornal. Every day in every way, I we am are getting better. It's your evil cousin that has a problem. He obviously has way too much time on his hands. Unlike the rest of us, who work 14 hours a day just for a living possibly.
 
cS: SpeckiNG of that, VanessA HEnna , what is it ugxakY that Yo Do ugzackY???
 
VHF: We work with people and collect money.
 
CS: CAN Yo be More spacefic?
 
VHF: Certainly. Through a very COMPLEX and arduous confusing generalization of processes of reasoning for LOGIC with synthesis of analasis dart WALL STREET JOURNAL ® through combining factoring propositions through probability for premises to valid REASONING avoiding discussion for debate, WE examine guess to locate indintifed COMPREHENSION through the process arrived for our money clients who subscribe to our MARKET service Go Fish ® for attemped WINNING STOCKS perhaps theretofore collecting vast quantities of money yabba dabba doo © !
 
cS: ruh ruh ruh RITE! AHA HAAH HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I Get it! OK< So how DO you Do that??
 
VHS: First thing we do in the morning is make my VHF Health Shake ®. WE invented it. It is all COPYRIGHTED by us.
 
cS: AH!!!!!!!1 GooD Idea! HWAT is in it?
 
VHF: 10 medium strawberries, one whole ripe banana, one kiwi fruit, one peeled apple, one ounce of protien powder, one Demerol ®, 8 ounces of organic milk, one Prozac ®, two gallons of lemon juice, one Valium ®, 8 ounces of Southern Comfort ®, one Thorazine ®, one quarter pound Luwak Coffee ®, one Viagra ®, ten Lucky Strikes ® (peeled), and three 8d finishing nails. If we feel really spunky, we garnish it with one of those miniature umbrelas from Taiwan. Nothing like it to get you us up and running in the morning.
 
cS: WoW!!!!!! Yo we are SCAring ME US!
 
VHF: I we sip it all day, actually. [pulls out a Barbie ® Thermos ® and takes a sip]
 
cS: YowIE. Less MovE ON! Can Yo Tell our CHICkenshEET raiDERs how YO Pick sTICKS?
 
VHF: It is highly COMPLEX. I we have a COMPLICATED software program that SCREENS two hunddred thousand stocks for POSSIBLE QUICK TRADES that should not BLEED YOUR ACCOUNT LIKE A STARVING VAMPIRE. It scans all day and all night working working working and locates a FEW WINNERS that we screen for charts avoiding ALMOST ALL GUESSWORK since we know you CAN'T READ CHARTS CORRECTLY by using a SIMPLE DEFAULT SCAN combined with MARKET COMMENTS by myself that I we assure you are not PLAGARIZED FROM EXPENSIVE COMPLEX MARKET NEWS AND COMMENTARY sources that have ALSO FAILED TO CORRECTLY INTERPRET FUNDAMENTAL DATA.
 
cS: Rite, so
 
VHF: We're not done. I we also offer FREE commentary on Internet web sites for those traders who have chosen for whatever reason to not yet sign up for our paid SERVICE have your credit card ready and call now we are maybe offering an introductory discount but wait there's more if you call in the next ten minutes
 
CS: Rite, uh
 
VHF: We're not done. With you're my our FREE FREE FREE WATCH LIST of EXPLODING STOCKS that we work all day and all night on because it is so very difficult and such hard hard work and so complex and difficult to understand or even maybe understand a little tiny bit you can take ADVANTAGE of a FEW S|PECIAL SITUATIONS BEFORE THE CROWD GETS WIND OF THESE WINNERS SO HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD READY AND CALL NOW! © 2001 VHF AND VHS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!
 
cS: OK OK calm down. What aboUT YRI Stick Pocks? How do yo do that?
 
VHS: We have developed an extremely sophisticated algorithm to give us precise information about our picks, the Prediliction Germinator.
 
cS: AHA AHA HAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I SEE tHAT!! I also Ntoised that yoUR CHARTs seem a Little different that eveyone elseS chaRTS. EXTREmely differIENt actually. Why is THAT??
 
VHS: That is because our charts are drawn using our own secret complex proprietary discoveries in the field of Technical Analysis, SHORTY dear. We call it "TechnoFunky Analysis." We are working on a very complex, large and beautiful book with beautiful colors and a script font and shadows right now. You probably would not be able to understand it, dear. It's called How to Draw Beautiful Charts Just Like a Trained Profesional.
 
cS: Thanks for SHARing that, VANEssa! Yo SpeLLed "professional" wrong there, by the way.
 
VHS: SILENCE, lizard! We do not listen to USELESS non-subscribers.
 
cS: Vanessa, I Notice you say "WE" a lot, VANessa, who is WE??
 
VHS: What's that? Are you talking to me, dear?
 
cS: CHEESe and CRAckers! Who are YOU?
 
VHS: On your knees! I am Queen Sonia, Goddess of the Dark Region of Sector 9, fool. With whom did you think you were speaking with, SHORTY dear, you have been speaking me for the past 15 minutes dear, and you have not posted one single message about stock picking on the Internet chat site that we use for cultivation of new clients. What are you doing here? You are not a PAID SUBSCRIBER TO OUR PRIVATE SITE, dear. We ignore your kind because you have nothing substantive to say. You are no doubt related to the SLUDGE AND SLIME that propogates the netherworld of cyberspace and CONTRIBUTES NOTHING and does not COLLECT HEFTY FEES FOR DOING SO! WE control the Internet! Take your inept drug-induced pseudo-logic and abrasive and sanctimonious yet misspelled but twisted diatribes to another place, insect dear.
 
cS: Uh..OK, Now I see Why Yo carry that ConCEaled SworD!!, must Be a SHOCKer for pebbles wHo donT see yo comINg, can yO teLL us How yo SELECt your Entry and eXit opints for STICKs?
 
VHS: SILENCE, worm! You see these two laptop computers we have here?
 
cS: YeS! Two lapTOPS. Got it.
 
VHS. One of them, the one on the left, has 15 minute delayed charts. You see that, don't you, dear? You can recognize an actual computer with 15 minute delayed charts, can't you SHORTY sludge dear?
 
cS: YO No proLEMO, QEUEEN SONIA. I see iT.
 
VHS: Good, SHORTY skidmark dear. Very good. Now, you see this other laptop? The one on our right? That one has real-time charts. You see that, don't you, cockroach dear?
 
cS: YO got iT! And?
 
VHS: Good. Now, SHORTY slime dear, if we put up a chart on both computers, a chart of the same stock, let's say for example one of our Watch List stocks from last night, what do you see, dear?
 
cS: GollY!!!!!!!!1 QueEEN Sonia! I can SEE WHAT WILL HAPPENNg in the PAST FUTURe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
VHS: That's right, SHORTY amoeba dear. Now, we wouldn't want you to reveal this remarkable and revolutionary trading strategy to the general public. Our monthy income from our valued zombie clients who are too lazy to see we are a sham might be reduced. Worse for you, SHORTY slime, is it might result in an unfortunate accident to yourself or someone in your family. Are we clear on that, SHORTY sludge worm scum dear?
 
cS: CRYStal, Vanessa dear.
 
VHS: Good, SHORTY plankton dear. Very, very good. Now, you know who needs our service, don't you, dear? Poor unfortunate miscreants who don't understand the obtuse and sinsiter underbelly of what we call Technical Analysis. Man lives in what he believes to be reality. But, there is, unseen by most, another world. A world that is just as real, but not as brightly lit ©. We provide a valuable service to the denizens of our world, and we work hard for our remuneration.
 
cS: UH OK but My cOISUN TASTES says TA IS BAScially SIMPLE.
 
VHS: No, SHORTY zygote dear. Your paramecium effluvium cousin is wrong. Do you hear me? WRONG! We won't mention him again, will we? SHUT UP! He is not a paid member of our service, therefore he is evil, illetirate useless slime and sludge cockroach worm scum, dear. Technical Analysis is extremely complex. No ordinary scum paid subscriber will ever be able to understand it, dear. All they can hope for is a monthy peek into the majastic world of our outreach program, "Feed the Gurus". And, of course, the personal simple-minded satisfaction that goes along rendering tribute to us and thereby barely avoiding a wasted and useless lifetime. [sardonic grin]
 
cS: YO SpellED illiterate and majestic wrONG, Queen SONIa. An Yo seem to Half NO SENS of Humidor at ALL!
 
VHS: SILENCE! SHORTY cell dear, you have become tedious. We sincerely regret that your audience with us has come to an end.
 
cS: RITe soRRY I am not the Best PELLEr myslef actuallY sorry for the Bother. ONE FINAL QEUSTion of YO don MINd.
 
VHS: Of course, SHORTY stain dear, if it is an on-topic and relevant question.
 
cS: How DO I sIne up for Your SERVICe?
 
VHS: Ah, yes. Yes, that is the only relevant question pervading your useless and regrettable existence, isn't it SHORTY speck dear? It's very simple. Do you have any cash?
 
cS: YahH I robBED my cOISIN TASTES Wallet!!! AHA AHAHHAHA AHA HA A H AHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's ALL Over there on that Table in the AIRLOck! SEE IT????
 
VHS: Good. Very good, SHORTY quark dear. [walks over to the airlock and picks up part of the money] I we don't want all of it, just what I we am are entitled to for all my our hard work. Some of it you will need to open an account. It was gorgeous having you here, but alas, adeiou, and goodbye. Is this the door out?
 
cS: YUP! Yo Got it! Just Pull UP ON that RED handle. And don't forget to HOLD YOUR BREATH!!!!!!
 
[whooshing sound]
 
AHAHA AHAH A HAHAH HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
She was ULTRa-SCARy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 
Well THAs iS ALL For tiddy, FRIeds!!
 
This yoour old FRIed , cOUSIN SHORTY, until Nax tiMEE,
 
Remevember what my couSIN TASTES saysk, YO CAN DO IT YOURSLEF!
 
SEE YO AT THE TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 

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