VOLUME 63 ISSUE 179cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!!! (c)cOUSIN SHORTY

HELLo again FREinds,a d its cOUSIN SHORTY with THE SPACiall emission of the NEWLATTER!!!!

AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHA HAHAH!!!!!!!!

HOllyDAy WISHIngs form the SPACedcraft!

SSpacil INterview with THe MIGHTy SANDy CLAwS

SANDY CLAws as akk good JEVENiles giant REptiles know is THE GUY tghat BRings the Persents to youSE on THIS HOLidays with his RED And GREEN SPACECRAft. LETS see WHAT HE HAS TO SAy!!!!!!!!

cOUSIN SHORTY: SANDy IT IS nice to see You! CHEETos? GinGER Ale?

Sandy Claws: Thanks, cOUSIN SHORTY! Always good to see you and TLC. How about those Earthlings! I tell you, every year, it seems like it gets goofier.

cS: HoW SEW< DOOd?

SC: Well, They talk about peace on Earth, and goodwill towards men, and women I hope, for about a week, and then some of them just go nuts for the rest of the year. This year, I am hoping things will turn around.

I see signs.

cS: THATs a good THing! WHAT Do you SEA????

SC: The Internet. But it's like the Sword of Peritoneum or Damian or whatever that guy's name was. Or those two guys on the original Star Trek with the Riddler character with his face half white and half black. There is a good side and a bad side. To the Internet, I mean.

cS: WHATs that GO T TO do with the HAOLLYDays and festive SEason?

SC: Nothing. Just kidding. Well, here's the way I see it. You have a lot of friends on the Internet, right?

cS: SURe, dood! LOts of freinds!!!

SC: Ever met any of them in person?

cS: ONLy a fFEW!!!

SC: Would you like to meet them? I mean, just to meet them and say hello?

cS: SUre! They sEEM LIEK Good peoples!!

SC: Well, maybe you will meet them some day. They are all over the world, right? Some in Foreign Lands, as it were, so to speak.

cS: YEAh thats RITe!

SC: I think that's what the people that started the Internet had in mind. I think that they were visionaries. They saw the potential for hooking up a line of communication that was free. Something where there were no rules, no boundaries, and it wasn't regulated or oppressed or controlled by a bunch of Big Fat Sillies. And then other people saw that the Internet might be a useful tool for them. More and more people saw that it was a good thing. They saw what was really happening. They saw that this Internet thing was bigger than any other technological advance in the history of the planet. Bigger than fire. Bigger than the printing press. Bigger than Texas style BBQ!

cS: DOOD! NO Way Dood!

SC: Yes way, cOUSIN! It's an exciting time down there on Earth. Cultural barriers are breaking down. People can see that somebody that lives on the other side of the planet, I mean one single individual, may have a lot in common with the person that lives next door.

Of course, this is not good for everyone. People that want to control other people do not like the Internet. The Internet is the biggest Anti-Control device ever made. Lots of bad guys hate it. The people they want to control have access to information that could threaten the bad guys.

But there is a Dark Side. Man lives in a world he believes to be reality... but there is, unseen by most, another world, that is just as real, but not as brightly lit...

cS: Dood. you Watch a LOT of TV IF you HAVEthat mesmerized. Tales from the Darkside, eh?

SC: Right, well, I used to watch TV. Now, I surf the Internet.

Anyway, there is a bad side to all of this. One click of the mouse and you can find the most perverse and twisted stuff you can imagine. I mean, stuff you never did imagine! And that's before you promise you are 18. And then you have the freaks and twistoids that rant about the most evil and sick stuff you have ever seen. That's the other side. If you want access to information, you get it all.

cS: SO? FRee counTRY dooD!! PIck WHAT you WAnt!

SC: cOUSIN SHORTY, that is the problem. Bad people, I mean really bad people, want everyone to feel much worse. They thrive on pain and anguish. They are out there, trust me on this, I know. Let me ask you a question. Let's say you have to get a present for each of three kids. One kid is 3, one is 8, and one is 13. Would you give the 3 year old a book of matches?

cS: NAh, not REally.

SC: Would you give the 8 year old a loaded pistol, and the 13 year old a rattlesnake?

cS: NO Dude! LOL! They CoOD GET Hurt!

SC: Right. They don't understand the danger, and they could get hurt. You want them to have freedom, but you don't want them to hurt themselves. Lots of people are like that. They might be older than 3 or older than 13, but the point is this: they could get hurt. I'm not here to preach. I'm just saying this: if you don't know anything about matches or guns, and somebody puts one in your hand, you might not fully understand what it is that you are holding.

If you see some Internet site that is run by a guy that likes to light his fingers with matches, his idea about match safety might not fully line up with the one you want your kids to see. You get my drift, here?

cS: I THInk so! THERE Is NO Way too tell WHAT Is TRUE and WHAt is a BIg FOO FOO LIE!!!!!!!

SC: Right. One site has recipes for brownies, and the next site has recipes for napalm. One site is your grandma, and the other one is some freakazoid mental case that wants to do you in later on today or tomorrow at the latest. Some surfers don't know which is good and which is bad. Some believe the bad stuff is good, just because they don't know how to tell the difference.

cS: SO! WHAt caN YOORs TRly and Mr. Mighty Chicken do ABOUT that????

SC: Glad you axed! That's why I stopped by. You know what the difference between good and bad is. Say good things. Do good things. Don't say bad things. Don't do bad things. On one day a year, depending on the person and the day, most try and be Very Good. Just do it tomorrow too. Simple!

cS: Well I LIKE That! I AV A LOt of fiends on SI, GOOD peolels that I LIKE! I WANT To wihs them ALL A hAppy holiDAY AND A GOOD AND prosperous YEAR AHEad!

SC: [sniffle] That's great, cOUSIN. I feel the same way! Pick a few things out of the big bag over there! And pass the Cheetos, will you?

cS: HEY A NEw PUTer!!!!!!THANs SANDy!

SEE you AT the tOP!!! AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

cOUSIN SHORTY

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