VOLUME 96 ISSUE 232 cOUSIN SHORTYS FREE FREE CHICKEN SHEEt UNDERVALUED EMAIL TIP SHEET RUMOR NEWSLETTER!!!!! (c)cOUSIN SHORTY

HEllO HEllO! AGAinmYr fieriness cOUSIN SHORTY HEar!!!!!!!!

AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!

YOur ferrite aliien form another pLANT IS BACk with ABNontherr INeterVUEW!!!!!!!!!! THAnks to Boulevard Shagnasty for paying for his Shuttle FARE upto the spacecrafT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE Are lucky to Half a REAL STICk Borker!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIsnamE US RONNie "HammerHead" DeMarkup !!!

HE Is a Fill SERVice Borker!!!!!! He IS SMArt as aWHIp and HE alWAYS Takes caRE OF cOUSIN SHORTY!!!!!!! I Half 200 Buks with him right now in HOLLYWOod Global Gaming.com wARRANTS! I'm DOWn right now a lITTLe but He Says the Stick will GO TO THE MOOn by JUNE and He has no reason To LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Half som goood qiesttoINS for HIM so leTS get STArrredted!!!!!!

cS: WELCOMe to the SPAceCARft RonnIE!

RD: Thanks buddy, glad to be here. Hold on a sec. [picks up phone] No. No. So what? No. Listen, stop worrying. That's my job. That's why I'm the pro and you're the schmoe. Just wire the money. Before Monday at 11. Right [puts down the phone] Margin call. No problem. Where were we?

cS: How diD YOPU GET TO BE a Borker?

RD: Well, I was working at this sushi restaurant, and this guy with a Hugo Boss suit and slick hair came in with three other guys with cheap suits. They all sat down and started talking about the stock market. Turns out the guy with the Hugo Boss suit was a broker and the other guys worked for him, taking calls and so on. This guy makes about 200 large a year, so I figured I was in the wrong business. I took the Series 7 exam and went to work! [picks up phone] What? What? WHAT? [hangs up phone] ACAT. Dick. Where were we?

cS: WHAT WERe your DOOTies when you Started?

RD: I went to work at Bear and Chissell, the famous penny stock firm. Actually they had stopped being a penny stock firm at that point. And the first thing I did was to try and build my "book". [picks up phone] Relax. Why do you keep calling me? The MARKET is down! INTEL is down! Pardon me for not having a crystal ball, OK? Relax, the warrants are fine. [hangs up phone] Your book is this little black book with all your clients. I didn't have any clients, so I had to cold call.

cS: WHATs that?

RD: Uh, some guy tells you what to say and how to say it and you watch some bonehead give you sales inspiration and all that other crap, and you get a pitch. The pitch is for a stock that your firm makes a market in. You have to write your own pitch, they say, or it's illegal, but I just copied one off some guy. You just dial the phone, and you say you're a broker, and the person hangs up, and you dial again, same thing, again, same thing, over and over, until you get somebody that will listen. Then you give them the pitch. There are a lot of tricks to make them get interested. And then, if they say yes, you open the account and you have a client! If you're good, you can open an account on one call. I kid you not. Make people send you thousands of dollars after speaking to them on the phone once or twice. I love this job.

cS: What is youR AVERage New ACCout?

RD: 2 grand. I like the guys that only have a little extra money. The other guys are too smart, usually. Although I must say, there are some real rich guys out there that are as dumb as stumps. But I'm not in that big client league yet. I've only been doing this for about 5 months. [picks up phone] Shut up and send the check. [puts down phone] My trainer says I am doing fine.

cS: What stICKs do YO LIKe right now?

RD: Doesn't matter. I could never pick stocks. You just pitch the one that's on the board that week.

cS: On the BOARd?

RD: Yeah, see, the firm makes a market in the stock. If you're lucky, the stock has warrants too. Warrants are great. You look on the board in the boiler room to see what you have that day to sell to clients. Say you have a warrant. Say the warrant is 2 bucks by 2 3/8. That means our trader has the stock at 2, he wants a nickel, you got a quarter plus on the inside, plus commish! You with me?

cS: NO< GO over iT SLOwly for me.

RD: Look, cOUSIN, you're a good client, so I'll let you in on this. Sometimes, I can get a markup, which is what they call my commission if my firm makes a market, and can also get a commission. Commission is what the client sees on his statement. Markup is what he doesn't see. He buys the stock for 2 3/8. He pays commission, hopefully 5%. Figure roughly an eighth. So his cost is 2 ½, and I get the eighth. What he doesn't know is my trader gets the stock for 2, I give him a nickel, I pay 2.05. I make 45 cents on every share. You gotta love it. Well, not you, but me. I love it. A thousand shares is 2500 to the client, and 450 commish. I get half, so that's 225 bucks to me on a thousand shares. Only problem is that the deal has to go up 50 cents before the client is profitable, even if I get him out for free, which I try not to do. [laughs]

cS: WAIt WAIt I THOUght that was AGAInst the LAW!!!!

RD: Really? I had no idea! Is it really? That's hard to believe! I'm shocked! What's your next question?

cS: What about DELL or CSCO or some stock like that?

RD: Nah, you have it all twisted up, pal. Those stocks have no spread. Spread is the king, you need spread. Cheap stock, big spread, thin float, that's what you need. Brokers need to get paid. Especially now, with the on-line brokers.

cS: HOW Do Yoo DEAl with THAT?

RD: I don't. People can't pick stocks, SHORTY. Nobody wants to do their own homework. I work up the pitch, I smile and dial. It's a numbers game. I make 300 calls a day, I get one new client. Half my clients make money, half don't. I get paid either way. People want to do business with people. I'm a people. I am great on the phone. If they want to throw their money away without my help, God bless ‘em, on to the next call.

cS: SO WHAT do yo DO to maKe more Money?

RD: If they are down in the house stock, they need to buy more. Average down. If they are up, they need to buy more, it's working. This is not rocket science.

cS: so wheN DO YOU Get ouT?

RD: On the Tuesday before the last Friday of the month.

cS: Why tHEN?

RD: Takes 3 days to settle the trade, and I get paid by the month. The month ends on the last Friday of the month. So the Tuesday before that, we are out. The stock is down, we need to find something else. The stock is up, we need to take our profits. Simple. Unless it's an option trade, they settle in one day, so we get out on Thursday.

cS: WE??

RD: Yeah, we. It's our money. Part of that money is mine, remember.

cS: RIGhT!! OK SO what IF THE CLIent wanTS A Stick that YOU don't MAKe a Market in?

RD: I talk him out of it. I'm not here for my health, I'm here to get paid.

cS: WHAt abut your COMPLIance Officer?

RD: He drinks a lot. He likes tequila, just like our trader.

cS: Y:OU Do IPOs????

RD: All the time! You just get a prospectus from whatever company is doing the deal, and you send it to your client. You tell him you can't guarantee you can get one share, but he has to send the money in up front. IPO comes, can't get any, too bad, let's pick up some warrants. Next question?

cS: WHAT IF you Get a comPlaint?

RD: Everybody where I work gets complaints. Big deal. Management is more worried about the "Don't Call List".

cS: WhATS STHAt?

RD: If somebody says not to call them and after that you do, they can sue you and win. It's all a big game. Next?

cS: SPEAking OF Games, what KINMd of Games?

RD: We have games all the time. You get prizes for the most gross commission, prizes for selling the house deals, all kinds of prizes.

cS: ANY CONtests to Pick stoCKS?

RD: Nah, anybody that can pick stocks left our firm long ago. See, you have to understand something, cOUSIN. Picking stocks is really hard. Really, really hard. They pay fund managers huge sums of money to pick stocks. The average broker wouldn't know a good stock if it walked up and bit him on the ass.

cS: So therrr ARESOme good Borkers out THEre?

RD: You mean brokers that actually make money for their clients? Sure! I met one. Nice guy. He got disenchanted with the business and went into something else. Haven't heard from him in a while.

cS: YOU havE an Account?

RD: You bet! I love the stock market.

cS: SO HOW Do Yoo pick stoCKS?

RD: Easy. I call the mutual fund that did well over the last 5 years. I like consistent gains. I call and see what the manager is buying and selling. I buy and sell the same things.

cS: HOW S tjhat goinG?

RD: I'm up 27% in less than 12 months. No house deals and no annoying warrants. [laughs loudly]

cS: AND YOUr perSONAL Clients, how are they Doing?

RD: I am not at liberty to discuss individual client's performance. Let's just say that almost all of them have excellent long term investments in their accounts. [laughs]

cS: sO IF I get A call form YOUr compNY, pitchIng a cHEap stock or Warrant that Your company Makes a market in, what is Your advice?

RD: Hang up, go to the library, and throw a dart at the Value Line. [laughs]

cS: Onee LAST questION: YOu mentionED THE TRADEr. Can I talK To HIM?

RD: [laughing heartily] Cuz, you will never speak to him or any other trader in your life. And that's all I'm gonna tell you about the trader. I value my life. [still laughing]

cS: TJANks a LoT ROnniE!!!!! See yOU ON VISIOtng Day!

AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

til nexxTIme,

cOUSIN SHORTY

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